Delayed Grief

Everyone noted how well Diana did after her brother died unexpectedly at age 45.  “She’s so strong” they all noted; “she’s a survivor.”  And she did do well: her family believed it, her friends noted it and at work it was as if her loss was simply a blip on the screen.  She seemed to accept that her brother died suddenly of a heart attack and that she needed to “move on”.  So it was shocking when, 8 months later, she exploded at work over something seemingly minor. What was wrong with Diana, everyone wondered? No one connected her outburst with her loss…not even Diana.

Delayed grief can sneak up on us when we least expect it.  We thought we were doing so well and then something triggers a memory such as a smell, a glimpse of someone resembling our loved one, or a holiday and we suddenly are very much in touch with the wrenching feeling of loss. The anniversary of the beginning of our loved one’s terminal illness even when we don’t consciously remember it will be captured and remembered by the heart which never forgets such anniversaries.  Sometimes like Diana, the death of our loved one may appear to affect us little…until a second major loss occurs, this time the death of her beloved dog.   It was then that Diana began to fully grieve her brother’s loss as she grieved the loss of her dog. Grief is a task master that will have its way with us and accept nothing less.  It cannot be ignored, sidestepped, glossed over or tackled like a project.  We can’t out run grief; however, if we accept it as our companion for a time and continue to walk on we will get through it. If you are struggling with unresolved grief and feel it’s limiting your life help is available.  Please email me or call me at 616-4028327 for a confidential consultation.

Comments

[Bszot]

How true this is! Thanks Marsha, these are so helpful! It's amazing how long the grief road can be and the little things can set things off!

[Linda Dunn]

Well said Marsha. This happeded to me much the same way when my dad died. Just lost it at school one day and had to leave. Now I mourn the departure of my Emily and her family. It's different than a death but is the death of my dream of having them close--at least for now! Hard to see the kids grief as they all want to be here so badly! In God's time. Great Blog, I can hear your voice distinctly coming through!